Weekly Humor: Golden Oldies

There are few things more entertaining then hearing jokes and having giggles with our gran parents. These were not collected from such an occasion but may as well be. Thank you to Laura Bening for sending these on to me on a regular basis.

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot
in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I
getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and
see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up
the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table listening
to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope
I never get that forgetful," as she knocked on her wooden
table for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and
help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

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Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy,
isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

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A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of
her nightgown and say, "Supersex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for
a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the
soup."

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited
playing cards a few times each week. One day, they were
playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long
time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your
name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three
minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she
said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car
phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently
warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's
a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be
careful!"

"What!!!!!!!!" exclaimed Herman, "It's not just one car.
It's hundreds of them!"

Innocence of the young

Often our young ones come up with the most curious quotes. Here are a few.

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DIANE (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?